she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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