WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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