My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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