And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
