Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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