she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
