Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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