sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
