Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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