Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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