he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
