after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
