Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
