The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
