My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
