I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
