Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i believe in u and ur pee
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize