Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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