Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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