another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
