i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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