Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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