She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
