Yo dont text me then not text me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
why is half of my head shaved?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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