I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
