i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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