There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
