Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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