made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
