I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
