I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
