I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
