I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it was like eating out sand paper
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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