I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
