Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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