This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
