go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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