and she was petting her beer can
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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