I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
