Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
