i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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