I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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