I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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