I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A+ Viking dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
