And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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