There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
