i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
