So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.