He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
babies were throwing up all over the place
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras