Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.