So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.