he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
