Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
