he shaved USA in his pubs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
