can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
