I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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