at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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