Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
