i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
