I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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