Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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