Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
